Comments on: About Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com Healing Souls Wounded by PTSD Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:43:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-707 Dr. Z Thu, 04 Nov 2010 23:25:05 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-707 You have not failed the testing of your faith. You have certainly been traversing the Valley of the Shadow of Death – but you have not been failing in your faith. I can say this with confidence because while you have had nightmares and difficulty praying, you still desire to pray. Consider that the very act of desiring to know God, desiring to pray, is a prayer in and of itself. You may not pray in the traditional ways, but the desire for prayer, is a prayer. Your desire to improve your relationships and be there for others is also a proof that you have not failed in your faith. The desire to be there for your family is a living out of the will of God is also a form of prayer. Do not lose heart. You have shown tremendous courage. The road has been hard and probably remains hard. But you do not have to despair. The fact that you seek solace and desire God and your family places you more firmly in God’s love than many people I know who blithely assume they are terrific and religious. Your life has value. I will keep you in prayer. Semper Pax, Dr. Z You have not failed the testing of your faith. You have certainly been traversing the Valley of the Shadow of Death – but you have not been failing in your faith.

I can say this with confidence because while you have had nightmares and difficulty praying, you still desire to pray. Consider that the very act of desiring to know God, desiring to pray, is a prayer in and of itself. You may not pray in the traditional ways, but the desire for prayer, is a prayer. Your desire to improve your relationships and be there for others is also a proof that you have not failed in your faith. The desire to be there for your family is a living out of the will of God is also a form of prayer.

Do not lose heart. You have shown tremendous courage. The road has been hard and probably remains hard. But you do not have to despair. The fact that you seek solace and desire God and your family places you more firmly in God’s love than many people I know who blithely assume they are terrific and religious.

Your life has value. I will keep you in prayer. Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: Lost http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-706 Lost Thu, 04 Nov 2010 21:37:54 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-706 Past tense: I used to find my identity in faith and relationships. Present tense: I’m in “partial recovery” from a definite existential crisis; eternity feels different here (and it looks different in my hellish nightmares that lasted 60-80 nights straight)... having failed the testing of my faith. I’ve been hospitalized on 2 suicide holds since February for PTSD and Major Depression; and have gone through a 3 week intensive outpatient recovery program. My wife and I have thought that I was dead several times; I have not been able to read or to pray for over a year and a half. I was unable to clothe and bathe myself daily for over 8 months. My inner dialogue has been invaded by self-harm and self-sabotage. I withdrew and isolated from EVERY meaningful relationship and experience in life. My heart is deceitful, and I know it. I’ve had to depend on AA, NA, Adavan, Abilify, Lexipro, Serequil, Prozac, Prozasan EMDR dot dot dot. This is all way too hellish, and now I need to find new faith-- faith that I can father my daughters with God's grace, faith that new life can grow from the ashes-- faith that reason and love can be reborn, and that Jesus can turn his rhetorical question into a qualifying one: "Having lost his savor, how can my child be made salty again?" Thanks for all that you do. Past tense: I used to find my identity in faith and relationships.
Present tense: I’m in “partial recovery” from a definite existential crisis; eternity feels different here (and it looks different in my hellish nightmares that lasted 60-80 nights straight)… having failed the testing of my faith. I’ve been hospitalized on 2 suicide holds since February for PTSD and Major Depression; and have gone through a 3 week intensive outpatient recovery program. My wife and I have thought that I was dead several times; I have not been able to read or to pray for over a year and a half. I was unable to clothe and bathe myself daily for over 8 months. My inner dialogue has been invaded by self-harm and self-sabotage. I withdrew and isolated from EVERY meaningful relationship and experience in life. My heart is deceitful, and I know it. I’ve had to depend on AA, NA, Adavan, Abilify, Lexipro, Serequil, Prozac, Prozasan EMDR dot dot dot. This is all way too hellish, and now I need to find new faith– faith that I can father my daughters with God’s grace, faith that new life can grow from the ashes– faith that reason and love can be reborn, and that Jesus can turn his rhetorical question into a qualifying one: “Having lost his savor, how can my child be made salty again?”
Thanks for all that you do.

]]> By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-569 Dr. Z Fri, 01 Oct 2010 20:01:31 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-569 Incest must be one of the worst ways to be afflicted with PTSD. It violates all of the most basic and fundamental trusts and family responsibilities. Every day we deal with triggers and renewed symptoms from our PTSD. The horror of incest can cause us to be in chronic doubt and that makes the PTSD even worse. Being able to write and/or talk about it at any level helps us to be able to regain control of our lives and know that we have value no matter what others have inflicted upon us. I hope and pray for your continued healing. Semper Pax, Dr. Z Incest must be one of the worst ways to be afflicted with PTSD. It violates all of the most basic and fundamental trusts and family responsibilities. Every day we deal with triggers and renewed symptoms from our PTSD. The horror of incest can cause us to be in chronic doubt and that makes the PTSD even worse. Being able to write and/or talk about it at any level helps us to be able to regain control of our lives and know that we have value no matter what others have inflicted upon us. I hope and pray for your continued healing. Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: Ann http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-568 Ann Fri, 01 Oct 2010 03:22:22 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-568 Your pages help me. I am an incest survivor with PTSD. How aptly you put it all. I see that more attention is paid to those who are veterans of war than sexual assault survivors, and yet both are equally worthy of attention. Incest is a holocaust of the soul, and war is a holocaust, period, that no one should ever have to be subjected to. I feel like I do a battle with my symptoms every day, and there is so little support for us all. God bless you for your ministry. Your pages help me. I am an incest survivor with PTSD. How aptly you put it all. I see that more attention is paid to those who are veterans of war than sexual assault survivors, and yet both are equally worthy of attention. Incest is a holocaust of the soul, and war is a holocaust, period, that no one should ever have to be subjected to. I feel like I do a battle with my symptoms every day, and there is so little support for us all. God bless you for your ministry.

]]> By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-457 Dr. Z Tue, 13 Jul 2010 19:23:58 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-457 Hello Deborah, I am impressed with your willingness to stay in and engage life in the face of 40+ years of PTSD. Your life and resilience against the disassociation and other symptoms of PTSD are like a martyr’s witness to the value of each of our lives. In many ways, we who struggle with PTSD for years on end, and those who are affected by our PTSD symptoms, serve as living martyrs to the value of life, the sacredness of our lives. In my experience, we all share the same soul wound in our PTSD, regardless of how we were wounded. Whether the wounds are from military service, child abuse, clergy abuse, accidents, and so on, regardless, we share the wound and we share the value of our lives. And, most of all, we share the love of God who made us inherently valuable. I will be e-mailing you later today. Semper Pax, Dr. Z Hello Deborah, I am impressed with your willingness to stay in and engage life in the face of 40+ years of PTSD. Your life and resilience against the disassociation and other symptoms of PTSD are like a martyr’s witness to the value of each of our lives. In many ways, we who struggle with PTSD for years on end, and those who are affected by our PTSD symptoms, serve as living martyrs to the value of life, the sacredness of our lives.

In my experience, we all share the same soul wound in our PTSD, regardless of how we were wounded. Whether the wounds are from military service, child abuse, clergy abuse, accidents, and so on, regardless, we share the wound and we share the value of our lives. And, most of all, we share the love of God who made us inherently valuable.

I will be e-mailing you later today. Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: Deborah http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-456 Deborah Tue, 13 Jul 2010 03:34:00 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-456 Hopelessness does sometimes lead us to have compassion for ourselves and for those we love, so you are correct in saying that one does not have to give up hope. I have been dealing with PTSD for almost 40 years due to severe childhood abuse. Some of my worst memories are just beginning to surface and dealing with the truth of what happened so long ago has been extremely painful. The challenge I now face is to find the courage to deal with the pain and truth of these memories without remaining a "victim" and continuing to the cycle of suffering. I still have many symptoms of PTSD, such as startling easily, not being able to trust anyone, feeling overwhelmed and unfocused, vague fears, insomnia, nightmares... I sometimes feel as though I am just floating through my life and so much of my life has passed me by already. I feel such pain and regret for all the time I've wasted in trying to control my life without realizing that it was controlling me. How do you let go of these memories when the physical sensations of fear manifest without warning? Are there other people you talk to who deal with PTSD unrelated to military experience? I would like to talk to you if you have the time. Thank you for what you have given for our country. There are many people who do recognize that it was and continues to be a sacrifice of the person you might have been had you not seen what you saw, felt what you felt and had to do what you did. Respectfully, Deborah Hopelessness does sometimes lead us to have compassion for ourselves and for those we love, so you are correct in saying that one does not have to give up hope. I have been dealing with PTSD for almost 40 years due to severe childhood abuse. Some of my worst memories are just beginning to surface and dealing with the truth of what happened so long ago has been extremely painful. The challenge I now face is to find the courage to deal with the pain and truth of these memories without remaining a “victim” and continuing to the cycle of suffering. I still have many symptoms of PTSD, such as startling easily, not being able to trust anyone, feeling overwhelmed and unfocused, vague fears, insomnia, nightmares… I sometimes feel as though I am just floating through my life and so much of my life has passed me by already. I feel such pain and regret for all the time I’ve wasted in trying to control my life without realizing that it was controlling me.

How do you let go of these memories when the physical sensations of fear manifest without warning? Are there other people you talk to who deal with PTSD unrelated to military experience?

I would like to talk to you if you have the time. Thank you for what you have given for our country. There are many people who do recognize that it was and continues to be a sacrifice of the person you might have been had you not seen what you saw, felt what you felt and had to do what you did.

Respectfully, Deborah

]]> By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-446 Dr. Z Sat, 19 Jun 2010 22:55:27 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-446 Hello Jenny, I thank you for sharing your courageous struggle. In many ways the spouses and loved ones of those with PTSD walk their very own trail of tears and suffering. They are also susceptible to secondary PTSD themselves. I am a believer in radical forgiveness as long as one is not placing themselves at physical risk (in that case we still forgive, but at a safe distance). You have been grievously wounded by the effects of PTSD and it will take much prayer and hope to keep seeing the good in others. It is hard, but with grace, it can be done. Forgiveness and restoration are always possible. Do know that the situation is not hopeless. People can heal from the worst of PTSD. I don’t think it has to take 23 years as it did in my case as we now know more about it and spouses are better prepared to deal with it. That, of course, does not make it easier to deal with, but do know that one does not have to give up hope. Semper Pax, Dr. Z Hello Jenny,
I thank you for sharing your courageous struggle. In many ways the spouses and loved ones of those with PTSD walk their very own trail of tears and suffering. They are also susceptible to secondary PTSD themselves.

I am a believer in radical forgiveness as long as one is not placing themselves at physical risk (in that case we still forgive, but at a safe distance). You have been grievously wounded by the effects of PTSD and it will take much prayer and hope to keep seeing the good in others. It is hard, but with grace, it can be done. Forgiveness and restoration are always possible.

Do know that the situation is not hopeless. People can heal from the worst of PTSD. I don’t think it has to take 23 years as it did in my case as we now know more about it and spouses are better prepared to deal with it. That, of course, does not make it easier to deal with, but do know that one does not have to give up hope.
Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: Jenny http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-445 Jenny Sat, 19 Jun 2010 18:10:01 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-445 Dr. Z, Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with all of us. My husband is an OEF/OIF Veteran with 2 years of combat experience. His PTSD impairs normal relationships and has been challenging for our home life since his physical return 5 years ago. 2 years ago, his alcoholism, reckless thrill seeking behaviors including fast motor cycle riding that nearly cost him his life, crossed over into infidelity, ironically with a friend of ours while her husband was deployed. I was both nursing and pregnant at the time and his sought after feeling of false aliveness nearly cost all 4 of us dearly. I have always believed my love for him to be unconditional but this has been tested as I struggle to heal from the betrayal of infidelity. Thank you for addressing this issue and allowing me to understand why he would act out the way that he did. I thank you for your service and admire your continued contributions as you guide others through the insurmountable mind field PTSD presents us. Dr. Z,

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with all of us. My husband is an OEF/OIF Veteran with 2 years of combat experience. His PTSD impairs normal relationships and has been challenging for our home life since his physical return 5 years ago.

2 years ago, his alcoholism, reckless thrill seeking behaviors including fast motor cycle riding that nearly cost him his life, crossed over into infidelity, ironically with a friend of ours while her husband was deployed. I was both nursing and pregnant at the time and his sought after feeling of false aliveness nearly cost all 4 of us dearly.

I have always believed my love for him to be unconditional but this has been tested as I struggle to heal from the betrayal of infidelity.

Thank you for addressing this issue and allowing me to understand why he would act out the way that he did. I thank you for your service and admire your continued contributions as you guide others through the insurmountable mind field PTSD presents us.

]]> By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-393 Dr. Z Fri, 02 Apr 2010 18:23:18 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-393 Hello Andy, I will be writing for Adrienne as well. She has put together a fine PTSD Healing website. I hope to do as well here. I plan to write her this coming week and will include yoru contact info as you requested. I have not been doing so well lately and that has deterred me from being as active as I would like on this website. Welcome Home from your tours of duty. Difficult times, traumatizing times. Turning towards Jesus and ditching the alcohol will go along way to healing your PTSD. In many ways we have to make some choices when it comes to dealing with our traumatic memories. We can choose to try to blot them out with booze, or we can turn to God in prayer. In the long run, prayer and worship will help us recover from our truama better than alcohol ever will. You made a life-promoting decision. I shall keep you in prayer. Semper Pax, Dr. Z Hello Andy, I will be writing for Adrienne as well. She has put together a fine PTSD Healing website. I hope to do as well here. I plan to write her this coming week and will include yoru contact info as you requested. I have not been doing so well lately and that has deterred me from being as active as I would like on this website.
Welcome Home from your tours of duty. Difficult times, traumatizing times.
Turning towards Jesus and ditching the alcohol will go along way to healing your PTSD. In many ways we have to make some choices when it comes to dealing with our traumatic memories. We can choose to try to blot them out with booze, or we can turn to God in prayer. In the long run, prayer and worship will help us recover from our truama better than alcohol ever will. You made a life-promoting decision.
I shall keep you in prayer. Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: Andy Frasure http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/about-dr-z/comment-page-1/#comment-392 Andy Frasure Fri, 02 Apr 2010 15:35:06 +0000 http://www.johnzemler.com/blog/?page_id=10#comment-392 Dr. Z, Thank you I stumbled upon your website as I was asked to write an article for the survior section of http://www.healmyptsd.com I am going to write on how turning to Jesus and getting away from alcohol has healed my PTSD and how through his grace and love he's freed and delivered me. I just wanted to thank you for this website and the time and effort you have put into it. If you could pass along my contact info to Adrienne I could help her out I was a Marine Corps Scout Sniper and did 3 combat tours in Iraq, I also was a Private Military Contractor last year in southern Iraq and should be able to help her out. Thank You Humbly in Christ, Jeremiah 29:11 Dr. Z,
Thank you I stumbled upon your website as I was asked to write an article for the survior section of http://www.healmyptsd.com
I am going to write on how turning to Jesus and getting away from alcohol has healed my PTSD and how through his grace and love he’s freed and delivered me. I just wanted to thank you for this website and the time and effort you have put into it. If you could pass along my contact info to Adrienne I could help her out I was a Marine Corps Scout Sniper and did 3 combat tours in Iraq, I also was a Private Military Contractor last year in southern Iraq and should be able to help her out. Thank You

Humbly in Christ,
Jeremiah 29:11

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