About Dr. Z
I am Dr. John Zemler, PhD. My students usually call me Dr. Z.
I am a disabled US Army Veteran and I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, usually known as PTSD. I was traumatized as a young officer serving overseas. I am not a combat veteran, although some people have said that I am. I have not served in anything like Iraq, Afghanistan or Vietnam. I was the security officer for a special weapons unit and I experienced what I call “interesting times.”
My PTSD cost me a number of relationships and almost my life. I spent 23 years with nightmares and other PTSD behaviors and there were several times I thought that life was no longer worth living. Fortunately the right people entered my life and I am much better off than I used to be. That said, my soul is still wounded by PTSD and I strive to nurse it back to health.
After I left the Army I eventually earned a PhD in Biblical Studies at a Jesuit Catholic University. While disabled and having survived some encounters with the US Medical Industry I am still able to teach part-time in a Theology Department. I usually teach scripture and introductory theology. I also teach a course called the Theology of Violence and Non-Violence.
I have taken my theology background, my military experience, and my PTSD and strive to help others heal from trauma. Sometimes this is done through meeting students, priest abuse survivors, sexual assault survivors, soldiers, or whomever has been damaged by trauma. Starting this blog is one effort to try and help others heal from the soul wound of PTSD.
Some of my disabilities I acquired in the military and some as a civilian. One of them means that to write or type is very painful. I will try to keep a regular blog and respond to people, but please be aware that some days I am unable to use a keyboard.
The PTSD life is a hard one, but it is one that helps us to learn to hope, pray, and help others.
Semper Pax, Dr. Z
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I must commend you on the great work that you have done and continue to do on ‘ptsdspirituality.com’. Your work was just one of the many resources that I used to help research a character for a (fictional) book that will be published later this year.
My book, ‘A Benevolent Virus’ is a work of spiritual fiction. Daniel, one of the two central characters in the story is a Marine veteran who has been seriously injured while working for a private military contractor in Fallujah. He must deal with conflicting emotions when he tries and fails to help a fellow Marine who has returned home with severe PTSD.
My publisher has just sent me an edited draft of my manuscript. But I am reluctant to move forward with the production of galleys (for much-needed pre-publication endorsements) without the approval of a Marine who has served in Fallujah and who had some experience, either directly or indirectly, of PTSD. Do you know of any such person who might be prepared to read the manuscript and to give me some feedback?
I want to be a sure as I can be that my portrayal of the conflict and of PTSD is as accurate as possible. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Adrienne
Hello Adrienne,
Thank you for taking time from your day to visit our website on PTSD Spirituality. I am also grateful that you have found some of the information here to be useful and commendable.
The Marines who I chat with who were in Fallujah are not currently good candidates to review your manuscript. The ones who I know of are either dead or not ready to engage. That said, you are absolutely right about wanting to have someone qualified look over your mss for versimilitude. You may want to look at http://www.marineparents.com and place a post asking for Fallujah survivors who might be ready and willing to help out.
While my active service was in the Army and I did noit serve in the current wars, I would be willing to look at particular passages of your mss if you think that would be useful to your work.
Thank you again for visiting and taking the time to comment – and thank you for writing a positive work about PTSD. Semper Pax, Dr. Z
I am a Chaplain with VA PCT Clinic in San Deigo. Would love to hear from you and receive some input.
I wrote you back a little bit a go. Thank you for taking the time to visit. Semper Pax, Dr. Z
Dr. Z,
Thank you I stumbled upon your website as I was asked to write an article for the survior section of http://www.healmyptsd.com
I am going to write on how turning to Jesus and getting away from alcohol has healed my PTSD and how through his grace and love he’s freed and delivered me. I just wanted to thank you for this website and the time and effort you have put into it. If you could pass along my contact info to Adrienne I could help her out I was a Marine Corps Scout Sniper and did 3 combat tours in Iraq, I also was a Private Military Contractor last year in southern Iraq and should be able to help her out. Thank You
Humbly in Christ,
Jeremiah 29:11
Hello Andy, I will be writing for Adrienne as well. She has put together a fine PTSD Healing website. I hope to do as well here. I plan to write her this coming week and will include yoru contact info as you requested. I have not been doing so well lately and that has deterred me from being as active as I would like on this website.
Welcome Home from your tours of duty. Difficult times, traumatizing times.
Turning towards Jesus and ditching the alcohol will go along way to healing your PTSD. In many ways we have to make some choices when it comes to dealing with our traumatic memories. We can choose to try to blot them out with booze, or we can turn to God in prayer. In the long run, prayer and worship will help us recover from our truama better than alcohol ever will. You made a life-promoting decision.
I shall keep you in prayer. Semper Pax, Dr. Z
Dr. Z,
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with all of us. My husband is an OEF/OIF Veteran with 2 years of combat experience. His PTSD impairs normal relationships and has been challenging for our home life since his physical return 5 years ago.
2 years ago, his alcoholism, reckless thrill seeking behaviors including fast motor cycle riding that nearly cost him his life, crossed over into infidelity, ironically with a friend of ours while her husband was deployed. I was both nursing and pregnant at the time and his sought after feeling of false aliveness nearly cost all 4 of us dearly.
I have always believed my love for him to be unconditional but this has been tested as I struggle to heal from the betrayal of infidelity.
Thank you for addressing this issue and allowing me to understand why he would act out the way that he did. I thank you for your service and admire your continued contributions as you guide others through the insurmountable mind field PTSD presents us.
Hello Jenny,
I thank you for sharing your courageous struggle. In many ways the spouses and loved ones of those with PTSD walk their very own trail of tears and suffering. They are also susceptible to secondary PTSD themselves.
I am a believer in radical forgiveness as long as one is not placing themselves at physical risk (in that case we still forgive, but at a safe distance). You have been grievously wounded by the effects of PTSD and it will take much prayer and hope to keep seeing the good in others. It is hard, but with grace, it can be done. Forgiveness and restoration are always possible.
Do know that the situation is not hopeless. People can heal from the worst of PTSD. I don’t think it has to take 23 years as it did in my case as we now know more about it and spouses are better prepared to deal with it. That, of course, does not make it easier to deal with, but do know that one does not have to give up hope.
Semper Pax, Dr. Z
Hopelessness does sometimes lead us to have compassion for ourselves and for those we love, so you are correct in saying that one does not have to give up hope. I have been dealing with PTSD for almost 40 years due to severe childhood abuse. Some of my worst memories are just beginning to surface and dealing with the truth of what happened so long ago has been extremely painful. The challenge I now face is to find the courage to deal with the pain and truth of these memories without remaining a “victim” and continuing to the cycle of suffering. I still have many symptoms of PTSD, such as startling easily, not being able to trust anyone, feeling overwhelmed and unfocused, vague fears, insomnia, nightmares… I sometimes feel as though I am just floating through my life and so much of my life has passed me by already. I feel such pain and regret for all the time I’ve wasted in trying to control my life without realizing that it was controlling me.
How do you let go of these memories when the physical sensations of fear manifest without warning? Are there other people you talk to who deal with PTSD unrelated to military experience?
I would like to talk to you if you have the time. Thank you for what you have given for our country. There are many people who do recognize that it was and continues to be a sacrifice of the person you might have been had you not seen what you saw, felt what you felt and had to do what you did.
Respectfully, Deborah
Hello Deborah, I am impressed with your willingness to stay in and engage life in the face of 40+ years of PTSD. Your life and resilience against the disassociation and other symptoms of PTSD are like a martyr’s witness to the value of each of our lives. In many ways, we who struggle with PTSD for years on end, and those who are affected by our PTSD symptoms, serve as living martyrs to the value of life, the sacredness of our lives.
In my experience, we all share the same soul wound in our PTSD, regardless of how we were wounded. Whether the wounds are from military service, child abuse, clergy abuse, accidents, and so on, regardless, we share the wound and we share the value of our lives. And, most of all, we share the love of God who made us inherently valuable.
I will be e-mailing you later today. Semper Pax, Dr. Z