PTSD Spirituality: Yet Another Injury Update

Snow Leopard DrawingLong time readers know that I took a hard fall last year and was injured. It is still ongoing. I finally broke down and re-entered the Belly of the Beast, the American Medical Industry. Here is the outlook after 10+ months:

– Some doctors suck and should never be allowed to practice on human beings, animals, or rusted farm machinery regardless of their technical knowledge.

– Some doctors should be cloned and everyone allowed to consult them instead of the dickweeds. They are not only technically expert but compassionate to other human beings.

– Dickweed doctors and various individuals who are part of the Medical-Industrial Complex can make our PTSD worse and cause despair. Some of these guys made me worse both physically and psychologically (and were indifferent to that).

I’ve spent the summer and fall in the grips of the Medical-Insurance Industry and have come out with some objective physical information and some more despair, and yes, some more systemically induced PTSD.

In Short:

— Four tears in my shoulder and two damaged/compressed nerves in my right arm and hand.

— Probable damage in some of my neck vertebra.

Results:

– Painful, sometimes impossible to type or write. Frequent loss of the use of my right arm and hand. Can’t sleep well because of pain.

– The extra, medical and insurance industry induced stress and PTSD has made hiding in a bottle of whiskey feel very appealing. It is a strong temptation. I’ve not done it, but I’d be dishonest if I did not think about it more than I really care to admit … Thank You O’ Industries of Healing and Compassion!

What’s Next?

One of the “good” doctors has suggested further MRI evaluation of the neck and then probable surgeries.

My Decision: Intercourse the Penguin.

What does that mean? It means my wife and I have run out of money and I can’t go into further debt to pay for another MRI, potential surgeries, and follow-up therapy (But I think hospital parking is Free, so there is that!). The medical insurance industry should be renamed the “Insurance Denial Industry.”

So … then what?

I keep learning to live with it.

Write less than I would like.

Draw more. Fortunately, I like drawing.

I’ve figured out a way to hold a pencil that does not cripple my arm and hand, so I will draw more (Lucky Me!).

Avoid whiskey. If I am drawing then I am not drinking.

Write when I can.

If writing hurts so much, then why am I writing this?

Because some marvelous people have contacted me via this website over the last month to encourage me and I want them to know I appreciate them. Their appreciation and encouragement helps to give me purpose and tamps down the PTSD-induced despair and frustration I have at not being able to reliably communicate.

Others have contacted me and it turns out that some of what I say about PTSD and spirituality has helped them. At the risk of hubris, it appears I can still help others to some extent. If my Mom was still alive, she’d want me to stick with it.

As Always, You Have Value.

Semper Pax, Dr. Z

Comments

  1. Wow, you are a fighter, a healer, a _____? Dr Z! There are some song lyrics somewhere that describe your spirit! And strength. When I googled, I got The Touch by Stan Bush 😀, from the Transformer movie; possibly fun YouTube clip for you? (Or not!)
    Thank you for your humor and personal sharing… I am finally able to talk about and put the series of traumas that happened to me in a few-sentence package; feels good.

    And good breakthroughs in my relationship with God – finally able to see He did not cause the trauma, and was actually helpless to prevent it in light of human free will… But now MY being-freed-will is gaining strength and function, and I can see myself becoming powerful and on top, instead of always on the bottom of the heap.

    Do appreciate you and the website; am praying for the right time to share an article or two with my son… Prayers and blessings! Ann

    • Hi Ann,
      Thank you for the song lyrics recommendation. I’ll be looking them up. I’ve never seen a transformer film, but when my kids were young they liked transformer toys a lot.
      Congratulations on being able to parse your traumatic experiences into few-sentence packages. That is a real victory. If we can get to using language to describe and understand what we have gone through (and what we are going through now with our current PTSD) then we are in a better position to heal and to fend off PTSD’s attacks on us.
      Also, congrats on being able to know and articulate that God did not do this to you. That further enables you to lean on God and not half-expect to get the chair pulled out from under you just when you are finally trusting enough to risk sitting down and relaxing (Hope that made some sort of sense!).
      Semper Pax, Dr. Z

  2. Your honesty and hearfelt sharing of your situation helps others to heal – and your humor makes us laugh even in our pain!!

    • Hi Patricia,
      I think I shall have to talk to the Rusted Farm Machinery Union and see if they have any solutions for me!
      Semper Pax, Dr. Z

  3. Rebekah Brown says:

    so good to hear from you Dr. Z. Can so relate. The medical industrial mess…so disheartening. Your posts have meant so much. Prayers for
    peace in the deep places of your heart.

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