Comments on: PTSD Spirituality: Understanding & Identifying Types of PTSD Triggers (Part 1) http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/ Healing Souls Wounded by PTSD Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:43:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2584 Dr. Z Sun, 08 Jan 2012 22:41:29 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-2584 You certainly are in some difficult circumstances. The drinking and arguments will certainly contribute to setting off a stress reaction. If you are experiencing a pattern of fights whenever your father-in-law comes over, you can refuse to be offended and refuse to fight – that can be very hard to do. Sometimes people who don’t drink a lot will start to drink a lot when they are around a problem drinker because that is the only way they can stand that person’s presence. While I am a theologian, I am not a professional counselor. You may wish to do the following things if possible: 1. Seek out a professional counselor or clergy person and discuss the situation with them. 2. As best as possible, refuse to be baited into an argument when they start drinking or become opinionated. If you don’t take the bait that is laid out for you, then there will be fewer fights and thus less stress. 3. If possible, arrange to be somewhere else on the dinner nights your father-in-law comes over. Do so even if it means hanging out at a library or shopping mall. If the scheduled dinners are highly stressful and spiral into fights, then being somewhere else is a safe solution. 4. Start a journal where you can write about these things and how they tie in with your past. No need to show your writing to anyone else, unless you choose to show it to a professional counselor or clergy person. But writing it out will help you better understand what is happening and in some cases can help you feel better and less helpless. Again, stressing that I am not a professional counselor, it sounds like all three of you have some stresses in your lives and the situation is already stressed even before the drinking begins. Two of those people use alcohol to cope and that makes things harder on everyone. You are very smart to not resort to alcohol yourself. Give yourself credit for that. I and others will pray for your well-being and also the well-being of your father-in-law and your wife. Semper Pax, Dr. Z You certainly are in some difficult circumstances. The drinking and arguments will certainly contribute to setting off a stress reaction. If you are experiencing a pattern of fights whenever your father-in-law comes over, you can refuse to be offended and refuse to fight – that can be very hard to do. Sometimes people who don’t drink a lot will start to drink a lot when they are around a problem drinker because that is the only way they can stand that person’s presence.
While I am a theologian, I am not a professional counselor. You may wish to do the following things if possible: 1. Seek out a professional counselor or clergy person and discuss the situation with them. 2. As best as possible, refuse to be baited into an argument when they start drinking or become opinionated. If you don’t take the bait that is laid out for you, then there will be fewer fights and thus less stress. 3. If possible, arrange to be somewhere else on the dinner nights your father-in-law comes over. Do so even if it means hanging out at a library or shopping mall. If the scheduled dinners are highly stressful and spiral into fights, then being somewhere else is a safe solution. 4. Start a journal where you can write about these things and how they tie in with your past. No need to show your writing to anyone else, unless you choose to show it to a professional counselor or clergy person. But writing it out will help you better understand what is happening and in some cases can help you feel better and less helpless.
Again, stressing that I am not a professional counselor, it sounds like all three of you have some stresses in your lives and the situation is already stressed even before the drinking begins. Two of those people use alcohol to cope and that makes things harder on everyone. You are very smart to not resort to alcohol yourself. Give yourself credit for that. I and others will pray for your well-being and also the well-being of your father-in-law and your wife.
Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: dave http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2581 dave Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:12:25 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-2581 when my father inlaw comes over once a week my wife an him start drinking, he gets opinionate an loud, my wifes joins in, i have been thru a abusive childhood with booze ect... awful stuff. I ask my wife to stop the drinking an she defends both of them. i feel this sets off my stress sysdrome. i get alot of neg. systoms an leave then my wife and i fight like never before this all started when his wfie died and he comes over once a week for dinner an polishes off a bottle of wine. what do you think i should do??? dave when my father inlaw comes over once a week my wife an him start drinking, he gets opinionate an loud, my wifes joins in, i have been thru a abusive childhood with booze ect… awful stuff. I ask my wife to stop the drinking an she defends both of them. i feel this sets off my stress sysdrome. i get alot of neg. systoms an leave then my wife and i fight like never before this all started when his wfie died and he comes over once a week for dinner an polishes off a bottle of wine. what do you think i should do??? dave

]]> By: Lily http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1930 Lily Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:21:37 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1930 oh, da, i found your post on worse case scenarios, thanks so much oh, da, i found your post on worse case scenarios,
thanks so much

]]> By: Lily http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1929 Lily Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:15:59 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1929 oh, da, i found your post on worse case scenarios, thanks so much oh, da, i found your post on worse case scenarios,
thanks so much

]]> By: Lily http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1928 Lily Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:09:12 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1928 in this last post you made, you refer to having posted it - where is it posted on your site? (about worse case scenarios) in this last post you made, you refer to having posted it – where is it posted on your site? (about worse case scenarios)

]]> By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1841 Dr. Z Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:37:44 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1841 Hi there, I wrote (probably way too much) about worst-case scenarios and PTSD and have posted it. I see the focus on these scenarios as related to the harm that PTSD does to our sense of safety and our sense of trust. Other people have been interested in this and I thought your comment was the added "ooomph" to get me back to an afternoon of writing. Semper Pax, Dr. Z Hi there, I wrote (probably way too much) about worst-case scenarios and PTSD and have posted it. I see the focus on these scenarios as related to the harm that PTSD does to our sense of safety and our sense of trust. Other people have been interested in this and I thought your comment was the added “ooomph” to get me back to an afternoon of writing. Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: Lily http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1840 Lily Sun, 16 Oct 2011 17:35:56 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1840 BACK TO WORST CASE SCENARIOS I notice that when i experience a trigger my mind will flood with lots of worse case scenarios and i will try to solve every one - i feel such an urgency to do so in order to avert the worse case scenario. I believe this comes from years of living with an abusive husband. It occurred to me that this may also be a side effect of ex soldiers. Do you experience this and if so, how do you deal with it? BACK TO WORST CASE SCENARIOS
I notice that when i experience a trigger my mind will flood with lots of worse case scenarios and i will try to solve every one – i feel such an urgency to do so in order to avert the worse case scenario. I believe this comes from years of living with an abusive husband. It occurred to me that this may also be a side effect of ex soldiers. Do you experience this and if so, how do you deal with it?

]]> By: Lily http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1668 Lily Sun, 18 Sep 2011 15:21:13 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1668 What a considerate response! You understand. He retreats to the den and leaves us women together so thats a break. The only problem is that having experienced this trigger, its frustrating to me to need to recoup while I'm wanting to have a nice visit with my sister - all these emotions jammed together is overwhelming. I can't shift through them that fast. Another hitch is that my Mother may be in denial about it all, and at times my sister too - which makes it really awful to be alone with the healthy knowledge I have. I'm not sure letting them know would always work. I think its so ingrained for them to accept the behavior and work around it that they don't consider confronting it. Sometimes I just wanna say something to him about it - but that seems like such an uncomfortable thing to do. I was able to let my ex know and I left him. Its frustrating knowing that some of the roots of me staying so long with my ex were planted in my youth. I appreciate your suggestions about taking care of myself through any recoup time I can snag while I'm visiting him, and as always I look forward to any other thoughts you may have. It really is a blessing to share PTSD thoughts with other sufferers! What a considerate response! You understand. He retreats to the den and leaves us women together so thats a break. The only problem is that having experienced this trigger, its frustrating to me to need to recoup while I’m wanting to have a nice visit with my sister – all these emotions jammed together is overwhelming. I can’t shift through them that fast. Another hitch is that my Mother may be in denial about it all, and at times my sister too – which makes it really awful to be alone with the healthy knowledge I have. I’m not sure letting them know would always work. I think its so ingrained for them to accept the behavior and work around it that they don’t consider confronting it. Sometimes I just wanna say something to him about it – but that seems like such an uncomfortable thing to do. I was able to let my ex know and I left him. Its frustrating knowing that some of the roots of me staying so long with my ex were planted in my youth. I appreciate your suggestions about taking care of myself through any recoup time I can snag while I’m visiting him, and as always I look forward to any other thoughts you may have. It really is a blessing to share PTSD thoughts with other sufferers!

]]> By: Dr. Z http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1665 Dr. Z Sun, 18 Sep 2011 01:56:28 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1665 As I complete essays I will place them here on the PTSD Spirituality website. While I know better than to make specific promises anymore when I will have some new writing posted, I am pleased to say that I have written several pages in draft in the last week. I am pleased about that as my employment has been hard on me physically and I have had some of my own PTSD issues to deal with. There are weeks I consider any productive work done beyond my paid teaching means I am a winner. There is still work from first draft to finished post, but I’ll take victories where I can find them. A few months ago I told a young married couple that if they did not want to go to the family reunion then they did not have to go. They were concerned that people/relatives would be offended and get rude. I asked if these people were the kind to get offended and rude regardless if they came or not. They said yes. In that case, skip the reunion and know they would never satisfy the others any ways. They needed to protect themselves and one another more than they needed to put up with verbal harassment from some of their relatives. Only you know for sure how imperative it is for you to attend to your family get-together. Your situation probably does not exactly match that scenario in the above paragraph. But, perhaps we can find some principles in there somewhere. It sounds from your description that some people are going to be jerks and/or rude regardless. Knowing that coming into a situation can actually make it easier to bear. You may want to consider some “escape plans” if it does get too harsh. Map out ahead of time where you can go to get away for a while to pray, write, cry, or just have a cup of coffee. If your father is a jerk, then know some things for sure: 1. He has his own problems he should be dealing with and those problems are not your fault. 2. When it is just you and your mother and sister, it might be useful to tell them that they are not responsible for your father’s behavior (and neither are you) so while it may be tense and harsh when he is present. His absence does not have to be a time when people still cringe. 3. You three ladies can give one another strength and understanding. None of you are to blame for his poor behavior. 4. If his behavior triggers your PTSD and he cannot be relied upon to cease being a trigger, you may have to figure out some logistical way to avoid him. I know this is easier said than done. But, there is no gain in having someone trigger your PTSD. If you absolutely must go to this event. Then try to find ways to create some “healthy oasis” opportunities in the schedule. I mean, try to find ways to get out and away periodically so you are not under sustained triggers all the time. Your mother and your sister may also desire some time away when they are not being stressed by the trigger-person. If it is essential for you to be in the presence of a PTSD-trigger person, then try to have some pre-planned get-a-ways where you can recoup, breathe, pray, and heal, before you have to go back into the fire. We continue to keep you and your concern in prayer. Semper Pax, Dr. Z As I complete essays I will place them here on the PTSD Spirituality website. While I know better than to make specific promises anymore when I will have some new writing posted, I am pleased to say that I have written several pages in draft in the last week. I am pleased about that as my employment has been hard on me physically and I have had some of my own PTSD issues to deal with. There are weeks I consider any productive work done beyond my paid teaching means I am a winner. There is still work from first draft to finished post, but I’ll take victories where I can find them.

A few months ago I told a young married couple that if they did not want to go to the family reunion then they did not have to go. They were concerned that people/relatives would be offended and get rude. I asked if these people were the kind to get offended and rude regardless if they came or not. They said yes. In that case, skip the reunion and know they would never satisfy the others any ways. They needed to protect themselves and one another more than they needed to put up with verbal harassment from some of their relatives.

Only you know for sure how imperative it is for you to attend to your family get-together. Your situation probably does not exactly match that scenario in the above paragraph. But, perhaps we can find some principles in there somewhere. It sounds from your description that some people are going to be jerks and/or rude regardless. Knowing that coming into a situation can actually make it easier to bear. You may want to consider some “escape plans” if it does get too harsh. Map out ahead of time where you can go to get away for a while to pray, write, cry, or just have a cup of coffee.

If your father is a jerk, then know some things for sure: 1. He has his own problems he should be dealing with and those problems are not your fault. 2. When it is just you and your mother and sister, it might be useful to tell them that they are not responsible for your father’s behavior (and neither are you) so while it may be tense and harsh when he is present. His absence does not have to be a time when people still cringe. 3. You three ladies can give one another strength and understanding. None of you are to blame for his poor behavior. 4. If his behavior triggers your PTSD and he cannot be relied upon to cease being a trigger, you may have to figure out some logistical way to avoid him. I know this is easier said than done. But, there is no gain in having someone trigger your PTSD.

If you absolutely must go to this event. Then try to find ways to create some “healthy oasis” opportunities in the schedule. I mean, try to find ways to get out and away periodically so you are not under sustained triggers all the time. Your mother and your sister may also desire some time away when they are not being stressed by the trigger-person. If it is essential for you to be in the presence of a PTSD-trigger person, then try to have some pre-planned get-a-ways where you can recoup, breathe, pray, and heal, before you have to go back into the fire.

We continue to keep you and your concern in prayer. Semper Pax, Dr. Z

]]> By: Lily http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2010/01/11/ptsd-spirituality-understanding-identifying-types-of-ptsd-triggers-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1660 Lily Sat, 17 Sep 2011 16:38:25 +0000 http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/?p=342#comment-1660 Let me know when your essay is done and where i can view it. I feel very anxious today because i need to go to visit with family and there are triggers (my father gets bully like) (me ex was violent). This visit for the coming week is nec. as my sister is visiting from another state. When my father gets rude its a major trigger and i feel like i'm back in the violent ex situation). My mom and sister walk on eggshells and i just hate it! Its not right. I feel like experiencing it I agree with it. I just want to run and cannot. Any suggestions? Let me know when your essay is done and where i can view it. I feel very anxious today because i need to go to visit with family and there are triggers (my father gets bully like) (me ex was violent). This visit for the coming week is nec. as my sister is visiting from another state. When my father gets rude its a major trigger and i feel like i’m back in the violent ex situation). My mom and sister walk on eggshells and i just hate it! Its not right. I feel like experiencing it I agree with it. I just want to run and cannot. Any suggestions?

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