Reckless Sex: The sexual experience with another human being can make one feel very alive, very alive…did I mention “very alive”? In terms of the PTSD-Identity there are at least two elements to sexual behavior. One has to do with feeling alive. The other has to do with finding meaning in our suffering.
Sex in Order to Feel Like I Have Personal Value: PTSD survivors struggle to perceive meaning in their lives. Part of the PTSD-Identity is to feel worthless, to feel that our lives have no meaning. If left unattended this results in suicide or death by recklessness. The soul damaged PTSD person frequently experiences issues with feelings of worthlessness. Promiscuity endeavors to answer this symptom. But it is a false solution, it is a trap.
If for five minutes (or overnight) someone finds me appealing enough to have sex with, then I momentarily don’t feel as worthless as I did before. If they wanted to get mostly naked with me, then they must find some value in me, right? I must be a worthwhile person, right? The downside to this is that after the sex is over, we feel more worthless than we did before we slept with him or her. Once again, the solution to the PTSD-Identity symptom does not actually solve the problem. It exacerbates it.
Sex in Order to Feel Alive Again: My PTSD-Identity wants me to feel alive like I did when I was involved in uncontrolled violence and trauma. The sex act can come close to replicating the ecstatic thrill of whatever it is that gave me trauma in the first place. And it is important to remember, that just because the traumatic experience was ecstatic does not mean it was enjoyed or moral. Being raped, molested, shot, or watching violence is not a joyful or moral experience.
The PTSD-afflicted soul often seeks reckless sex in order to feel alive or to feel as if their lives matter. In each case this is a result of the PTSD-Identity. The PTSD-Identity tries to make us feel dead, isolated, and worthless. We sometimes try to remedy those feelings by having sex which is meaningless and often dangerous in terms of sexually transmitted diseases and angry spouses.
With PTSD motivated reckless sex, as with most addictive behaviors, one may momentarily feel better, alive, possessing self-worth, but then the crash will hit. One feels worse than they did before. Ironically, as we strive to feel alive or worthwhile, the PTSD-Identity directs us into behaviors which cause further damage to relationships and to our souls.
Semper Pax, Dr. Z
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I wanted to thank you for this article. My husband and I are going through this right know. He has severe PTSD from one of his tours in Iraq. He was on Staff Duty and had meet a person over the internet and meet her that night to have sex. He has been charged with Adultery and leaving his duty station. Im still very upset but at the same time trying to support him. He always tells me “you dont understand what im going through”. After running across your article I have a bit more of a understanding. Thank you very much.
Hello, You are in the midst of an immense struggle – both of you. In some ways you yourself have been hit with what I call PTSD shrapnel. While we remain responsible for our actions caused by PTSD, we can also use them to engage in reflection and repentance. Many of us have struggled with people who don’t undrstand what we have gone through and those who don’t want to know what we have gone through. Part of the PTSD struggle is that the challenges and loss of meaning continue well beyond the events which gave us PTSD. One hopes that the events you describe may serve as a wake up call to the PTSD and together you can both focus on the understanding and healing of this terrible situation. Even King David wrote Psalm 51 after his adultery caused so much death and destruction. I and others pray for graceful healing in your family. Semper Pax, Dr. Z